Quarter Century

How does it feel to be another year older, Milynn?

A question we all get asked on our birthday. What's so different today than any other day, it's just another day isn't it? We are counting and keeping track of how many years we have enjoyed breathing the air of this earth. And this year I want to say it's different, because at 25, I've met a mile marker. The midpoint between the worst and most awkward years of my life and the point where I am supposed to achieve adulthood. Which I define as more control over the choices of your future, accountability and responsibility for the outcomes of those choices and more stability. What does it mean to be 25? Some people hope to achieve certain things at this age, whether it be starting a business, buying your first house, getting married or having kids. For me, I don't know what that is.

Have I achieved all I hoped for before 25? Well let's see now... at 18, I was excited about moving out of my childhood home and going to college, making the first step towards being a grown up. So high school graduation and acceptance into college, check. Double check. At 21, I graduated a year early and was excited about starting my career, getting a big girl job. Bachelors degree and a corporate job. Check and Check. At 23, I got my own apartment (check) and kept climbing the steps of my career. And that's really where it trails off now, a dull satisfaction of reaching the bare minimum of life's checkpoints. So again, have I achieved all I hoped for? No. But that's not to diminish my pride of those things I have achieved. I just have more goals I need to work towards.

Despite it all, I still find myself in discontent while building out a story my parents are proud to tell. It's funny looking back at all the things people warned you about growing up while you were growing up. They tell you how you'll make mistakes before you learn and how things will be ugly before they are beautiful. No matter how much prep talk, you're never ready for those hard lessons. I found myself in pieces making the same mistakes over and over again, and regretting missed opportunities. But still, I am proud that through the hardships and pain that it didn't stiffen my heart nor make me bitter. Just less naive and more pragmatic.

I learned a lot about myself testing my limits, both voluntarily and out of my control. Things against my better judgment. Playing with fire. Giving myself more to others than giving me more of me. Finding things I am good at and things I need to work on.

And as I cross over to this unbeaten path passed this mile marker, I wonder what lies in my wake.